I was feeling really off yesterday. I knew something wasn’t right. I told Rommel, my husband, that I felt so exhausted, drained even. When I looked around the house, I knew it wasn’t because of the house chores coz I barely got anything done yesterday. My mood was anything but good and I wasn’t a happy person to be around. Poor kids and Rommel. 😦 Eventually I broke down, Rommel hugged me and I continued crying and I told him I was probably just too tired. Then I started thinking of other reasons why I was feeling blah. At one point I thought I was jealous of my husband coz he gets to hang out with his band mates and friends after his gigs, but after a few minutes I knew that was a lie and I chose not to believe in that idea. I knew I was happy staying home with my kids and I get to go out every now and then to see my friends anyway. Then I thought I just needed alone time. What if I went to the grocery store for a few hours the next day? That sorta sounded like a plan. Rommel thought it was a good idea to get out of the house and get some fresh air — I said only if we would go out to buy ice cream! 🙂 hehe 🙂 That worked a bit but after an hour or two I was feeling really off again. I just wanted to shut down. So as soon as I put our baby girl in her crib I prayed long and hard that she would sleep through the night so I could enjoy my ‘alone time’ in bed too. I felt that was what I needed, the bed to myself. After a couple of hours our baby girl was back in our bed and I hate to admit it but the truth is, I wasn’t too excited about it. I even said “but God?” He probably answered back “but what?”
When I woke up I had Audrey between me and Rommel and Kristo was behind me hugging me. All four of us in our double sized bed! Seeing that – I knew it was way better than being alone in bed. Then I realized, I didn’t need to be alone.
What I need is alone time with God. I realized I haven’t been able to read my Bible and talk to God in a while. Once last month I think, when I woke up before everyone else. That isn’t good, I know. No wonder I was feeling so off, I was unplugged! So today while Audrey was taking a nap, instead of rushing off to do house chores, I sat down and opened to today’s reading and boom….
Wisdom from the Lord
(Jeremiah 17:5-10 NLT)
5 This is what the Lord says:
“Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans,
who rely on human strength
and turn their hearts away from the Lord.
6 They are like stunted shrubs in the desert,
with no hope for the future.
They will live in the barren wilderness,
in an uninhabited salty land.
7 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
8 They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit.
9 “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things,
and desperately wicked.
Who really knows how bad it is?
10 But I, the Lord, search all hearts
and examine secret motives.
I give all people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve.”
And just like that, I knew I downloaded an extra dose of energy. I felt so refreshed. That’s the beauty of having this relationship with God. You are made aware that you are not perfect, that you make mistakes, that you forget, that you can’t do things on your own. I need help and that’s the comforting truth, because with that comes the promise that God’s always gonna be there to give me a hand.
I’m so glad I didn’t believe the idea that I was jealous of Rommel. That would have been so foolish! And that idea of going out alone — that would have been like taking pain killers for a tooth ache. The problem still would have been there. I’m so happy I listened to that voice that said “check your heart.” So dear reader, choose who you listen to 🙂